I don’t like to hang out with people who think I’m a burden instead of a blessing.
People who are out to get something from me and are disappointed in me when they don’t.
Or people who expect me to have more loyalty towards them, then I have towards myself.
How does that sound like a good deal anyway?
People who break promises without the blink of an eye, never mind an apology.
People who ‘s attachment towards me is woven merely from the threads of me being a means to an end. Those threads come apart the instant the end is reached or I am no longer useful for reaching it.
I like to use my precious threads of attachment towards such people rather for weaving a carpet for myself to sit on and be comfortable. Such people do nothing to make me feel comfortable, so I rather have a carpet. Or even a cloak to keep me warm. The funny thing is those kinds of people often call me ‘cold’, while they are like a fake fire on the living room tv. I never understood that anyway.
I take care of me. And I am done feeling ashamed of it.
People who have shamed me for it in the past were only trying to condition me into taking more care of them at the cost of taking care of me. Who likes such people? I don’t. I rather have a carpet or a cloak, then be attached to someone who thinks I’m a burden because I take care of me instead of them. Attachment to such people hurts, because you are only there to serve them, never recognised for who you are.
Because such people have been treated like objects or a means to an end, most probably when they were younger, they think relationships are a business exchange. The only way they know how to relate to others is to see them as objects, a way to get something.
It’s sad. I wish for them to have a carpet to sit on and a cloak to be warm. But I’m not going to weave it for them.
By the way, if you’re someone who wants to actually come see me, for real. And connect in a way that honours both yourself and me, you’re are welcome to come sit next to me on my carpet and maybe if you’re really nice and let me be who I am without pressuring me, you get to sit under my cloak for a while too.
For now, I’m enjoying my own workmanship and am glad I decided to weave something for myself with the precious threads of my heart.
(Picture credits: https://beyondforeignness.org/3783/threads-weaving-the-future)