We all know the feeling of holding a grudge against someone. Though the taste of it may be sweet in the beginning, it has a defining bitter aftertaste.
Grudgy feelings are souring feelings that consume a lot of energie, somewhat like an overgrowth of bad gut bacteria. And even though you might think that it takes things like discipline and self reproach to forgive, surprisingly it actually is an act of self acceptance that does the trick.
Our natural state of being is of unobstructed life force and love flowing through us, to ourselves and all of life. When something happens that upsets us and we are not able to digest it, it gets stuck. This is much like food can get stuck and obstruct our nutritional intake and outflow of secretions, whatever is upsetting us also blocks the flow of love and life force in and out of us. This feels bad to us, because it 's not our natural way of being.
And even though it feels bad, we often don't know what to do to digest what is upsetting us, because it somehow feels threatening to us. When this is the case, our upset lies in an area of taboo. Meaning we feel uncomfortable to explore what is really going on out of fear of doing something wrong and or losing something precious.
In other, more simple words, we have a hard time accepting how we feel.
This is where healing begins. With acceptance. Even unconditional acceptance. Because who else is there to have your back?
You have a heart to heart talk with your grudge.
This doesn't mean that with this acceptance you take what your grudge is telling you as truth, but you do lovingly tell it that you fully understand and accept what it is going through to the extent that it has told you ALL that is bothering it down to the deepest, darkest details. And no, there can be no judgement because then you betray your own trust. And the grudge will only share its secrets when it feels completely safe.
When your grudge has been able to tell you what was bothering it, while you held space for it lovingly ( I recommend doing this in bed while you are going to sleep or just waking up and hugging yourself), it will relax. You may need a few more sessions and it may need some soothing words in which you remind it of it's natural state, but finally what was stuck will just start following along with the flow of love and life force again. And eventually when the flow has been fully restored and you're nicely filled up again, it will automatically flow out towards the person you held the grudge against. Because this is the natural way of life.
Forgiveness is just a side effect of self acceptance.
All things stuck, held in Love will eventually start flowing with that Love again. Acceptance is a great medicine. An amazing ingredient of the medicine kit of the feminine part of our being, our yin qualities, which have a centre in our wombs.